Probably you often never say never phrase. However, in my case, it is something I intend to stick to for the rest of my life. Why? Probably because I’m not a transgender person, but simply a crossdresser (or at least I think I am).
I was recently at a tailor’s shop for a suit measurement. Our wedding is coming up soon, so it’s high time to get into some serious preparations. And during this visit, I felt very comfortable. I liked the whole environment, elegant interior, jackets, accessories, bow ties, shirts. Generally everything that is related to men’s tailoring. It gave me great pleasure when I chose the material, details, I was measured carefully. My male part was delighted. And I wouldn’t be able to give it up by permanently changing genders. I would not be myself fully. I like to wear shirts, elegant pants or shoes, I feel good in this style, you can say that I have more confidence then. I want to always be able to be that part of myself.
For a long time, my goal is to start a family. I have a fiancée, we are getting married soon, and we plan to have children. I want to be a good father to them and the best husband to my other half. I know that we will meet different people in the future, whether at school or in the neighborhood. I know that some may use my otherness to make my loved ones uncomfortable. I don’t like it, but unfortunately that’s the way it is. Kids can be mean too. That’s why we haven’t decided when we will tell our kids about Sonia. We still have to talk about it. Also, I can’t imagine not being a male version of myself for my family, for my kids. I know that they need that. I want to point out here that this is my personal opinion about my situation. I realize that there are transgender people who want to start a family, and I have nothing against that. Everyone lives his or her own life and is the master of his or her own destiny. I’ve decided that I want to be the male version of myself every day, and Sonia will make an occasional appearance (though hopefully not too frequently).
Changing gender is also associated with many inconveniences. I’m talking about the people who surround us. I know that there are tolerant people, who have no problems with transgender people. Unfortunately, there are also conservatives who, for unknown reasons, like to hurt others with verbal aggression, unable to accept the simple fact that someone wants to be called or perceived differently. It is very sad and every time I think about it, it gets me down. The world is not fair, and it can’t be fixed, there will always be individuals who are bad. But it’s up to us whether we hide with our otherness and allow ourselves to be marginalized, or whether we show others that we exist, and we don’t do anything wrong, that we are simply human. And then there is the family, especially the older generations, for whom it may come as a shock that their son will from now on be their daughter, or their grandson their granddaughter. Maybe my parents would accept me changing my gender, but my grandparents probably wouldn’t. Not to mention the legal difficulties, doctors, surgeries, etc. It would be too much for me.
In conclusion, I am a crossdresser, not a transgender person as of today. I don’t need a gender change to be myself. I always compare myself to Jekyll and Hyde, my male and female parts live side by side in relative peace. And yes, there are times when I think it would be nice to be a woman, but then I come to the conclusion that it’s enough for me to be Sonia occasionally, and it fully satisfies my psychological needs, and I intend to maintain this state for as long as possible.