What was it like with my first go out in a female version? How did I feel at that time and what emotions were in my head? In the following text I will try to present in detail that wonderful day.
I assumed that I will leave the apartment en femme only when my appearance will satisfy me. I did not want to stand out on the street. I was complimenting various accessories, clothes, learning makeup under the guidance of my fiancée, browsing the Internet, reading stories of others. When I managed to hide the beard shadow on my face using the equivalent techniques, I finally started to like my reflection in the mirror. And I thought maybe this is the time to get out of my closet?
It all started one winter day when I had one of those worse days. Seeing other women, I was jealous of them being able to wear what they wanted, and I had to hide with it. I can’t wear heeled shoes, skirts, put on makeup etc. I have to hide. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking makes me feel sad, my mood is lowered. I try to fight it (with the help of stoic philosophy, which I really recommend), but it is not so easy. I still have a long way to go before I accept it. Or I will cross further boundaries in going out en femme.
The next morning was better. I did not think about last nights issues. My fiancée left for a one day’s training at work, so I was to spend the afternoon alone. But at work I was in a bad mood again. The same as the day before, jealousy, powerlessness. But then the thought of trying to leave en femme sprouted in me. What can happen to me? After all, I do not hurt anyone. It’s just a disguise, acting, basically. So I decided that this will be the time when Sonia goes out for a walk. Most of the day I thought about it, I couldn’t concentrate too much on work, I couldn’t wait to leave the office. And finally it was 4 p.m., I went home. I immediately dressed up in a red blouse and a straight, navy blue skirt of my fiancée. I put on fake breasts, shaved myself and waited a little while for the skin on my face to regenerate. Then I did my makeup, not too strong, with a burgundy, matte lipstick and put on my ginger red wig with long hair and fringe. The effect in the mirror was satisfactory. I liked it.
I was planning to go out around 8pm, but I couldn’t wait, so I went out around 7pm. I wore my fiancée’s heeled boots, my men’s sweater and a sweatshirt, because it was cold outside and there was only an autumn black coat of my fiancee left in the closet. I wrapped myself in a scarf, put on the coat and finally her hat. And again I liked the effect, very much even. A few pictures in front of the mirror, checking if nobody is walking in the corridor and leaving the apartment. My heart was beating strong, although I expected to be more nervous. I was quite confident that day. I went down the stairs (I did not use the elevator). At the exit from the block I passed the pizza guy. I was slightly afraid of his reaction, but luckily it went smoothly. I went out and saw that it was raining and I did not have an umbrella… So I went back up (I waited for him to enter the elevator) and was already approaching my door. At least I thought so. Fortunately, I looked at the number on the door. Not this floor… I went back to the stairs, took an umbrella from the apartment and left for the second time.
It was dark, the light of the lighthouse on the housing estate did not give much light. I walked calmly around the neighbourhood, enjoying every moment. Every knock of heels on the sidewalk, the breeze that was blowing my legs. It was wonderful. I did not pass people too much. I decided to go to the car. Unluckily a neighbor who parks next to me was walking. We rarely see each other, never talk to each other, but he saw a redheaded woman get into my car. If he would ask later I would say that it was my sister. But he won’t ask anyway, we won’t talk. This is how it is with me, I avoid contact with strangers. He probably will, too. I got in the car and drove away. Again I was thinking about this wonderful feeling of being Sonia outside. I was looking at myself in the mirror when I was at the lights. I was happy, satisfied with myself. I made a little round around the city and went back to the parking lot. The neighbor was gone.
It was still raining. I decided to walk for a little longer. I liked it very much. I expanded my walk, basically went around the whole neighbourhood. It was wonderful. On the way I passed four people directly, I can’t count how many cars. I was not afraid, I was confident. It was dark anyway plus I had an umbrella. After some time it stopped raining. And I was walking on, without the umbrella. I got to my entrance, went up the stairs, into the corridor and back to the apartment. There were some more pictures in the mirror with a sincere smile on my face. And wonderful memories in my head.
Finally, I did it. What a satisfaction from going out en femme. One of my dreams came true. And it was not as terrible as I imagined. My mood improved that evening. I no longer had these feelings of jealousy, powerlessness or discontent. I was myself and my apartment no longer hold me in place.
