Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been working on my voice and I’m quite satisfied with the results. I devoted a lot of time to it and it wasn’t easy, but this was my resolution and I think I managed to fulfill it. I’ll try to describe the whole process.
Beginnings
I found a vocal coach online. I saw recommendations from others, good reviews, and so I took the leap and wrote to her. After exchanging a few initial messages and filling out a form that helps the coach understand your needs (including preferred pronouns and name), we had our first online meeting. My first task was to talk about any topic for several minutes so she could evaluate my voice. I started talking about gardening, flowers, and plants—my latest passion.
The diagnosis shook me a bit. I knew there was room for improvement, but when I received a professional breakdown of all the technical aspects, I saw how much work lay ahead. I was aware that my speech was unclear and could be better, but I didn’t realize how much needed improvement! Before I could begin feminizing my voice, I first had to improve my “normal” speech.
Speech Improvement
I had lessons once a week for an hour. Due to the distance between me and the coach, the lessons were held online. Before each session, I sent a voice sample and a report of my weekly exercises. This allowed us to track progress and gave the coach insight into what we should focus on that day.
At the start of my journey, I mainly received tasks to activate my articulatory apparatus. These included exercises to relax the jaw muscles, engage the orbicularis oris muscle, and train the tongue. I remember doing these exercises while walking my dog. It was winter and dark, so no one could see me anyway. I did experience some soreness in various parts of my face, but thanks to regular practice and lessons, I was able to significantly improve my everyday speech. This also boosted my mood and self-esteem, as I felt that people understood me better and listened more attentively. Even for such a change, it’s worth signing up for lessons with voice coach.
Now, I notice how some people have very monotonous voices, making it hard to concentrate on listening. Professors at universities should take such courses by default—it might help fewer students fall asleep during lectures.
Raising the Voice
To use a feminine voice, you need to raise its pitch. This is not an easy task, especially if your voice has already undergone puberty changes. It’s also not entirely safe. Without proper knowledge, you could permanently damage your voice. That’s why it’s crucial to work with an experienced professional.
To speak in a higher pitch while having a male body, a lot of effort is required. This is why breathing exercises are essential to increase your capacity. These primarily focus on proper full-body breathing. Without this, forming longer sentences becomes challenging. Interesting exercises for raising pitch involved using a straw and a glass of water. With these tools, I could safely train my upper resonators without worrying about damaging my vocal cords. Once I was adequately prepared, I started trying to speak in a higher pitch. It wasn’t easy, and the results weren’t spectacular at first. However, no one said it would be quick or pleasant. What mattered to me was that I could practice freely at home, often talking with my wife.
Consistency is the key. Even dedicating ten minutes daily to exercises will eventually yield satisfying results. As someone who is impatient and struggles with motivation, it was tough to commit to tasks with such delayed results. This is one reason I find it hard to learn guitar properly. But with my voice, I had a much stronger motivation. I wanted to feel comfortable and safe being myself. I wanted to like my voice.
Voice Feminization
After many months of lessons and exercises, when my voice had reached a satisfactory pitch, it was time to work on improving intonation and emphasis. Women don’t just speak at a higher pitch than men; they also use a wider range, emphasize words more, and “play” with their voice—it’s less monotonous. I wonder whether this is innate or a result of societal expectations and gender roles. I’m more inclined to believe the latter, which means it can be learned.
My personality also influences how I speak. I’m introverted and somewhat shy, so naturally, I won’t express myself very dynamically. However, I can learn certain techniques, which is what the exercises focus on—improving the way I speak, including facial expressions and gestures. I’m glad I can practice all of this with my wife, as I don’t have to hide anything and feel comfortable around her.
Difficulties
Of course, not everything goes perfectly. Mornings are the worst. When I wake up, my voice often sounds hoarse and lower-pitched. It’s important to warm up your voice, give it time, and not get discouraged. It improves with time.
Similarly, stressful situations, like speaking in a store or restaurant, can make it harder to maintain a higher pitch because there’s no room for mistakes. The key is practice—using this voice as often as possible so that I can speak more confidently in any situation.
Summary
Am I happy with the results after nearly a year of lessons? Yes, absolutely. I feel a huge difference compared to ten months ago. I’ve accepted my voice and like it more and more.
If you want to blend in, work on your voice. It makes a difference. You can look super feminine and have great passing, but your voice can give you away, and people might address you as “Sir” instead of “Ma’am.” Sometimes they do this unconsciously, as hearing a masculine voice triggers associations in the brain. I say this with some sadness because I wish there was less misgendering. But unfortunately, we live in a world where stereotypes exist, so we either blend in or stand out. I prefer the former—what about you?
